hey there, gorgeous!
Sign up for
weekly nourishment and
receive my free guide:
How To Fall In Love
With Yourself

Are you ready to start living a healthier and happier life? Get access to my free guide How To Fall In Love With Yourself & receive weekly nourishment straight to your inbox!

Let Go Of Having Control To Gain Control

Today’s post answers a question that I was asked by a reader of mine who is currently healing her relationship with food. Her question is as follows:

“When you were in recovery how did you handle meals prepared by others? Were you scared to eat those dishes because you didn’t have control over the ingredients and amounts of those that went into them? For me, the amount of oil others use – their “tablespoons” are more like 1/4 cups – is one of the scariest parts. I’m not counting macros or am afraid of fat in general but seeing others mindlessly pour way more oil into a pan than actually needed is an entirely different thing. And I know for a fact my family and friends won’t change their ways of cooking so it has to be me making a change and working on overcoming these fears. How did you do it?”

I loved this question from my reader, who will remain anonymous, as it really hit home with me. As she described the “tablespoons” of oil her family and friends use are more like “1/4 cups” I couldn’t help but think of a time when I was in the same situation and thought the exact same thing…

Last winter, a few months after Eddie and I started dating, we cooked a lot of dinners at home together. Rather, he cooked a lot of dinners for me.

IMG_3863

He’s much more experienced in the kitchen than I, so I let him take over. However, when I watched him cook I could feel my eyes grow wider and wider as I watched him pour the oil into the pan… and keep pouring.

He’d use more oil than I thought anyone would ever consider using and, admittedly, it scared me.

Even though I knew fat is not bad, it still scared me.

Even though I knew all of the benefits of fat, it still scared me.

Even though I knew I needed fat, it still scared me.

He’d cook me omelettes every morning, sauté vegetables at dinner, and pan sear fish while always using more fat than I was comfortable with.

But that’s the thing. He was using more fat to cook with than I was comfortable with. His cooking habits were making me uncomfortable. Why? Because I was putting restrictions and limitations on the amount of fat I should be taking in throughout the day.

When I realized that I was actually the one causing myself to feel uncomfortable due to the restrictions and limitations I was putting on the food I ate, I gave myself a reality check and knew I had to make some big changes in order to fully recover and heal my relationship with food.

So, I let go of having control over my meals. I let Eddie, or anyone else who was cooking for me, have complete and utter control of my meals because I felt that the only way that was going to gain control of my life was to give others control over the thing I was trying so badly to control – food.

When Eddie cooked and poured more oil in the pan than I thought was necessary, I’d watch and remind myself that this was good for me. It was healthy for me. The only way I was going to ever fully recover was if I was comfortable with others having control. 

IMG_3947

Now, over a year later, Eddie and I joke about the amount of fat he used when cooking for me. He knew it freaked me out, without me even having to say anything, but he knew I needed it. He knew I needed to challenge myself and challenge myself I did! Thank goodness I did, too, because I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t.

Today I am comfortable eating meals prepared for me by others and it is all because I let go of having control over my food to gain control of my life. 

Can you relate to the topic of today’s post? Did today’s post help you in any way? 

Love always,

Meg xo

p.s. don’t forget that Friday is approaching! If you haven’t submitted your high fives to me yet please email me at adashofmeg@gmail.com 😀


Tags: , , , , , ,


Share this article:


67 Comments

  1. Reply

    Linz @ Itz Linz

    February 26, 2014

    so proud of you, as always… such an inspiration to so many! :) xo

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      wow thanks love <3

  2. Reply

    clare @ fitting it all in

    February 26, 2014

    perfect:)

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      i get so giddy every time you comment on my blog :) thank you clare <3

  3. Reply

    Stephanie Tucci

    February 26, 2014

    Meg I love when you write about this stuff! You are such a positive example to women everywhere xxoxo I’m so proud of how far you’ve come!

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      thank you so so soooo much, my love! hoping we can chat soon <3 just gimme a text and let me know when you’re free :) it would be fun to catch up on Skype

  4. Reply

    Cara's Healthy Cravings

    February 26, 2014

    Great post Meg! There are definitely bits of this I can relate to.

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      thanks for reading :) <3

  5. Reply

    Morganne @ Nut Butter Runner

    February 26, 2014

    Such a great post!

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      thank you :) <3

  6. Reply

    Katie @ Talk Less, Say More

    February 26, 2014

    Such a great post and such a great answer to the question. We do sometimes have to learn to let go of control in every aspect of our lives and just learn to EMBRACE life and enjoy other people cooking for you. :)

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      couldn’t agree more babe 😀

  7. Reply

    Christa @ Edible Balance

    February 26, 2014

    Yes!! Letting go, and allowing yourself to have freedom in food. When we stress about every single little thing, it disrupts even how we absorb food and it disrupts quality of life sometimes. Speaking from personal experience! Love this post friend, and love you! xo

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      ahhhh i love you too my friend :) i hope we see each other again soon xoxo

  8. Reply

    Sara @ LovingOnTheRun

    February 26, 2014

    Really love this! Sometimes you really do just have to let go and allow others to have control. If not its’ really hard to live a happy life!

  9. Reply

    Amanda @runtothefinish

    February 26, 2014

    I love that you have found what works for you. I have never had any kind of eating disorder, so I can’t comment from that side AT ALL. I do however prefer to control the food making mostly because those around me who cook…don’t tend to do it in a healthy way. Life is a process of learning how to be who we are and comfortable with it :0)

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      thanks Amanda! that is so true

  10. Reply

    Alexandra

    February 26, 2014

    I 100% relate to this. My mom uses so. much. oil. when she cooks. I tell myself its okay, good and healthy (nutritionally and mentally) to let her use the oil. Letting go of control is so scary, but its also liberating! And I like the feeling of liberation :)

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      good for you girl 😀 you’re doing the right thing

  11. Reply

    Stephanie

    February 26, 2014

    Such a great post, Meg!

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      thank you so much!

  12. Reply

    Marieve

    February 26, 2014

    Thank you for the post, I can relate as well. I dont mind the fat as much as refined sugar and “bad carbs”. Saying no to a sweet treat at work, feeling guilty at a family dinner. So hard to overcome those feelings, because I know once I start I have a bit of trouble with portion control….any advice?

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      hmmm good question. from what i know, in some circumstances, when you cannot control the amount of food you eat it is due to restriction of that food. does that make sense? so one thing i do is “allow myself to have whatever i want whenever i want in whatever amount”

      once you follow by this rule you realize you don’t REALLY want all of that [insert food here]

      i hope that helps!

      • Reply

        Mariève

        February 26, 2014

        It does thanks!! Weird thing is I don’t crave it at all when im home, but in a social context I do! But It will be my goal of 2014.

  13. Reply

    Keri

    February 26, 2014

    This was such a great post, Meg! Your honesty heals others! And this also just reiterates how wonderful Eddie is! You both are pretty darn wonderful! xoxo

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      HAHA yes Eddie is wonderful isn’t it 😉 had to get that across in this post 😉

  14. Reply

    Steph

    February 26, 2014

    You are a brave, strong woman who is doing tremendous things. Super proud!

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      i am BLUSHING! :) :0 thanks Steph <3

  15. Reply

    Michele

    February 26, 2014

    Meg- I love how you are able to break down and articulate these challenges to building a healthy relationship with food and with ourselves! Even once “recovered” it is still so important to notice when we are putting restrictions on our diets, it is all too easy to deny these unhealthy thoughts but having self awareness can only make us healthier and happier! Thanks you for being so open and honest with yourself and your readers! It makes it easier to examine my own thoughts and behaviors when I am reminded that it is okay to have weaknesses and we are all works in progress always :)

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      wowwwww thanks Michele 😀 love hearing from you!

  16. Reply

    Ashley

    February 26, 2014

    I can totally relate, but I wish it was only a matter of the amount of olive oil being used! My main issue is when someone prepares a dinner and everything is swimming in it’s own sugary/buttery sauce. I love my veggies plain, and it makes me sick when their drowning in syrup! It’s hard when there’s literally nothing they made that you want to eat but you feel rude not eating the food that they prepared for you..

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      I know what you mean, honey. It’s ok not to prepare foods in that way for yourself if you do not enjoy it prepared that way, but I think it is important to be OK mentally when we are served foods like this :)

  17. Reply

    I love you,
    that is all.

    Well actually it’s not all, that is seriously the sweetest that your hubs is supportive of you. Doesn’t it feel great to enjoy a meal that someone put love into preparing and truly be able to appreciate it. You’re always an inspiration girl.

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      Ahhhhhhh you’re such a sweetie pie!!!!!!! Oh I love you. Ok, so we need to meet ASAP. Email me. I have news.

  18. Reply

    april

    February 26, 2014

    i can completely relate to this post 110%. at the moment, i feel like i MUST be in control of my meals and cooking. i’d probably get intense anxiety if i watched someone prepare my food with that much oil, which i know is COMPLETELY silly. fat is good for me and my body craves that fat, yet for some reason, i feel the need to be in control. i just gotta keep telling myself that it’s okay to let go of some control. i’m sure i’ll feel much better as a result. :) as always, thank you for the inspiration, meg! xo

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      awwww april 😀 i am so happy i could be an inspiration <3 always here for you

  19. Reply

    Lindsay

    February 26, 2014

    It’s obvious he loved you from the very beginning!

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      totally :) <3

  20. Reply

    ottleo

    February 26, 2014

    Having started my weight loss journey when fat was considered bad for you, I struggled with the idea of adding fat back into my diet. Now I love olive and coconut oil :)

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      good for you 😀

  21. Reply

    Amanda

    February 26, 2014

    Great post Meg…well said. I feel the same way u did when others cook for me. Since I am so particular about food, when others cook for me it is hard because I want to have control and get them to cook my way. But u are right it is good to let go of that control sometimes! Thanks

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      thanks for the comment Amanda 😀 it’s so healthy to NOT have control some times! Good luck <3

  22. Reply

    Carolyn

    February 26, 2014

    Thank you for this post! I am SO inspired by your progress. This was a great post about letting up control and I really love when you share things like this. I think about the times you’ve shared when you were nervous to try something new, and considering your great progress and also inspired to try new things myself. Thank you for being open I know being so personal on a public blog is not the easiest but i really appreciate posts like this!!!

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      awwwww sweetie! i love hearing from you and writing these types of posts makes me FEEL good. if there is anyyyyyy topic you’d like me to address please just email me and let me know <3

  23. Reply

    Purelytwins

    February 26, 2014

    girl if people saw and watched how much healthy fats we eat in a day it would scare people. it is hard to get over that fats are good for you :) for some reason though eating a lot of fat never really scared us as much as carbs do to a point. but again we know they are all good for us :)

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      love hearing from my sisters 😀 i look to you for inspiration for adding even more fat to my diet than i already do 😀 salmon skin anyone? 😉 heck ya

  24. Reply

    Natalie @ lovenataliemarie

    February 26, 2014

    I still have that uncomfortable feeling when people cook for me. I am getting better with not questioning everything, but I just still have food fears. I am in recovery, so I am taking everything one step at a time. I hope that the freedom comes soon! :)

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      you’re doing so well sweetie! <3

  25. Reply

    Kristen

    February 26, 2014

    WOW, Meg! This post blew me away, everything about it is just amazing! It’s SO hard to let go of anything sometimes, but you really made me realize just how freeing it can be!! I LOVE reading your blog!!

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      oh you make me tear up! I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND!

  26. Reply

    GiGi Eats Celebrities

    February 26, 2014

    OMG I can relate in SO MANY WAYS!!!!!!!!!! I remember when I had more strict eating, I would go home to visit my family and my dad would GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG the olive oil into the pot. I was okay with GLUG GLUG but really? All of those other glugs = NOT necessary, to the point where I would get MAD at my dad!!! Ridiculous!!! HA! Now, I am a HUGE GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUGer- except with COCONUT OIL… So I guess that makes a different noise 😉

    • Reply

      Meg

      February 26, 2014

      haha cute!

  27. Reply

    Jody - Fit at 56

    February 26, 2014

    LOVE!!! You really have grown & learned so much!!! Happy to see is while you are young too! :)

    • Reply

      Meg

      March 1, 2014

      thanks Jody 😀 you’re such a great friend

  28. Reply

    Melanie

    February 27, 2014

    Oh Meg,
    I definitely can relate.
    Every night at dinner in fact. My dad is a chef so his passion in cooking, but everything is loaded with a “splash (1/2 cup) of oil” “a pinch (handful) of salt”. Sometimes I swear there is more salad dressing on the salad then actual salad, or more sauce then actual vegetables. But then I realise It’s only because I’m choosing to notice that.. everyone else eating it doesn’t even notice the unnecessary oil etc. Admittedly I’m making progress, but I know I still have a long way to go.

    • Reply

      Meg

      March 1, 2014

      Recovery is a journey, Melanie! I’m always here to support you! Just an email away <3

  29. Reply

    Livi

    February 27, 2014

    I definitely relate to this. When I was recovering from my ED, it was nearly impossible for me to eat with my family, because I couldn’t imagine eating the ‘unhealthy’ things they thought were ok. Now, that seems ridiculous, and I can enjoy family dinners or meals in restaurants for their social aspects as well as JUST the food’s “healthiness”.

    • Reply

      Meg

      March 1, 2014

      good for you girl! yay for health

  30. Reply

    love… absolutely love this!

    • Reply

      Meg

      March 1, 2014

      thank you so much sis xo

  31. Pingback: Friday Five and Favorites

  32. Pingback: Friday Finisher 2/28/14 | Strength and Sunshine

  33. Pingback: High Five Friday #107

  34. Reply

    Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen

    February 28, 2014

    What a wonderful response! I have noticed that one of the most important ‘steps’ I had to take was not obsessing over meals that other people cook. In fact, I still have a healthier mindset, and focus less on the food and more on the experience of dining, when I’m NOT in charge. Overanalyzing everything only happens when I’m on my own, and that was (is?) usually when the ‘relapses’ happen. I’m not sure if that makes any sense, but NOT knowing is always when I have a better relationship with food and meals, such as the times I’m with my family, or dining out, or at a friends house.

    Anyways, I’m proud of you for continuing to express your experiences in such a clear, and positive, way! (Much better than I am doing now…)

    • Reply

      Meg

      March 1, 2014

      Sarah,

      When you said “not knowing” is when you had a better relationship with food reminded me of this summer. Eddie and I ate so many meals out in restaurants. Think all you can eat ribs. Because I felt like I could push myself farther and harder when I didn’t know what was in my food. I would stuff myself silly and it was wonderful for my recovery. Absolutely wonderful. Funny how that works, huh? But, I totally know what you mean by saying that! Thanks for the comment <3 love you always. Missing your sweet face, too <3

      p.s. if you need me i am always a text/email away :) i hope you still have my number <3

  35. Pingback: My Health Journey: Defining Health


Would you like to share your thoughts?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *