For a solid week before my vacation to Barbados, I was struggling in the self-love department big time.
I had “critical eyes”, as I like to call them, every time I looked in the mirror.
I couldn’t look at my reflection in the mirror without picking myself apart in some way or another.
I would go to the gym and compare my body to the other women working out, I would hide from the mirror when getting out of the shower, and I was becoming extremely anxious about my upcoming vacation to Barbados and the thought of walking around in a bikini without something covering up my stomach, the part of my body I am most self-conscious of.
But then I got to Barbados…
… and something amazing happened!
I suddenly felt an abundance of love for my body, I stopped looking at other women and comparing my body to theirs, I looked at myself in the mirror while exiting the shower, I touched my stomach and didn’t get uncomfortable with what I was feeling, and I walked around in public while wearing my bikini without a cover up!
Throughout the week I was in Barbados I really surprised myself. The love and acceptance I had for my body was something I had never experienced before.
Sure, I go through times of feeling really confident then have dips and experience those days of having “critical eyes” as I mentioned to you earlier, but the love and acceptance I began to feel for myself and my body while in Barbados was truly like nothing I had ever experienced before.
During the week I relished in the new feelings I was experiencing toward my whole self. I loved me, all of me, and I absolutely loved feeling that way. It was new and it was exciting!
I was trying to understand the new feelings… why all of a sudden did I feel this way? But, I couldn’t figure out a reason. The feelings of self-love just came to me and they stayed with me the entire week.
They even got stronger as the week progressed, so strong that I was able to take this picture of my stomach while sitting in a taxi.
I took this picture because while riding around in a taxi one morning, I glanced down and saw my stomach as shown above and when I saw it I didn’t respond how I would have usually responded…
Since my stomach area is the part of my body I am most self-conscious about, when I see or even catch the slightest glance of my stomach I usually become extremely uncomfortable, but not this time. Instead, when I saw my stomach this time I felt nothing but love for myself. I was content. I had no feelings of uncomfortableness, just pure love. And it was amazing, so I had to document this amazing moment with a picture.
When my vacation in Barbados was done and I was on the plane flying back to London, I became nervous. I was nervous because I didn’t know why I experienced such a state of self-love while in Barbados and whether or not it would continue once I got back home to Canada where I can be extremely hard on myself at times and have never experienced the amount of self-love I did while in Barbados before.
But, it’s been one week post vacation and I am proud to say that the self-love and acceptance that came to me while in Barbados has stayed with me!
I’m still trying to figure it all out. I really wanted to write a post with the hows and what I did to make it happen, but I just don’t have any answers as of yet.
So, I’m just enjoying life right now and all of the lovely feelings that are coming along with it these days.
It’s an absolutely beautiful thing to be able to stand in front of the mirror after a shower and not feel the need to hide myself under a towel.
I love going to the gym and focusing on how far I’ve come rather than the fact that my legs might not be as large as I want them to be.
I am me and I deserve to be loved just the way I am. Right now.
And I am so happy that my vacation to Barbados allowed me to achieve the self-love and acceptance I have for myself today.
I will be linking up to Katie’s Marvelous Monday post today since I am feeling absolutely marvelous about who I am and the body I call home!
Do you struggle with loving your whole self and feeling complete and utter happiness with the body you’ve been blessed with? If you have questions that you would like me to address in another self-love post please ask me below or feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
PS if you want to give yourself a high five for something you did over the weekend please email me at email@example.com so I can feature you in this week’s High Five Friday post